Episode 345 - Elinor Miller joined in to share the power of perspective. If you're ready to create change in your life, this episode is for you. Learn the key principles to do so and the importance of finding joy in your every day life.

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Show Notes

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Show Transcript

Welcome to today's interview I brought on Elinor Miller Elinor welcome thank you I'm glad to be here so today's topic of discussion we're definitely going to start out with perspective and I think it's so important and we've already been chatting for quite a while about this but before we get going please give us a little background where do you live and what do you do I live in Charlotte North Carolina I'm originally from Israel and what I do is right. How to use their perspective with their ability to see things to get them to where they want to go I'll get in to see how they want to feel maybe can we give a super basic definition what does it mean of perspective cuz we all have won the Bonanza perspective I mean the way the way you view your world most of us live on Ultimate right we already seeing things because Aziz but what is that as he's mean we're seeing things that we get to give it to the meaning that we feel we we having a brain back on our background background and what I teach people to notice the meaning they're giving two different events in a why people in their life and how they can change that meaning if this mayonnaise do not take them to where they want to go to not make them feel good do not have them Progressive move forward so I think they're kind of 1 in the same but perception and perspective but it all comes from our experience where we grew up the conditioning around us our society Americans perspectives versus Europeans perspective so I think it's important to note that you know what 8 billion people there potentially could be like 8 billion perspectives so you know what is true to Juan is not true for another but it all stems from our thoughts and beliefs is that they're exactly is that what gets people bumping heads all the time as is trying to prove being right I think it's time to from Spain right but also many times it's just as well. Because we're still misunderstood when I when I do relationship coaching I see how the wife is making him stood and and and doing all this thing for him and he shows her know that he bought her flowers and and jewelry and that's what she needs pads but he doesn't see her as a way to express love to everybody bring their own side without trying to understand or communicate that hey this is how I received things versus this is how you keep saying and kind of been able to see the other person and understand what you see as okay they don't see if change what is fine for you based on your body is not okay with them that I am break and I forgot but the lady said that she took off her flip-flops before she got into this medication place and when she came out she was grossed out and so angry at this lady in her family nobody touch anything without asking permission and you don't with somebody else but the other lady that's what she grew up she brought me this communal Place everybody where everybody's like it was no problem for her but you can see how people come from different backgrounds she was just doing her thing and she was just not expecting that things get more into individual perspectives because you shared with me a lot of people are wasting life going through the motions and I would even left for you to give a little background on you know what life was like until you had this wake up call this question from Zig Ziglar my life's work was pretty normal-looking pretty good from the outside I was acting and I had my family in my husband and my kids header everything looks pretty good on the outside and I could not trying to understand where you coming from and at some point I even debated in myself I called myself greedy like what else do you want to ask myself why are you feeling this way why are you not grateful for what you have you have so much to so many people that was dying to have with your family told myself and then one day sitting at the office and I was feeling really down and I pull up my phone and I search on YouTube for positive music and apologists speak up the crowd what are you eating for in life and then he said if you omit nothing you will hit it every time and that she knew right in my heart and in my stomach. She's talking to me I don't have any a my just exist I don't leave it and in that moment I could really see the difference between breathing and existing and actually live and I decided that I no longer want to take this time here to live and I start thinking about all the things that I'm going to regret not doing when they died and I'm like I'm going to do it I'm going to do everything but I was right because what I start noticing when you start to start paying attention you notice all of a sudden is on social media stories of people that discovered they have cancer or people talking about their last day and all this stuff I may not be lucky to find out that I'm dying and then get another chance you know how people get into a car accident they almost die and then they wake up I may I may have to figure it out today and and that's where I change my life but that's what I love and what you shared with me cuz I kind of asked was there something in your life that changed the trajectory cuz we here all the time so many people hit rock bottom like you said you know had a near-death experience and then they woke up and so yours was a quote on event you just were feeling this kind of numbness or and that's my word so you definitely give me you know it replaced if you want but you were just feeling going through the motions and I know what that's like I did it for years and corporate literally I complained all the time that I feel like as a hamster in a wheel going through life's motions there had to be more so you didn't need some crazy life event to wake you up it was that maybe it was the willingness to you work guided that day to go search for something on YouTube cuz that whole you know when the student is ready the teacher appears and it was that simple question that woke you up so from that day what change what did you start doing differently to get to where you are now the dark moment I felt immediate sadness and stuff criticism 6 how how come you don't have an answer to this question you consider yourself smart see how come you don't know better but is sick and later I felt liberating feeling and I and I compare it to somebody who's been suffering some kind of pain and then the doctor say I have been there for you to cease now we know how to treat it so that's exactly how I feel okay now I know what's going on with the solution start of YouTube video about personal growth. Light purple Center by trying to aim for something and figure things out distance from different people in different speakers and then purchasing books and then I started purchasing horses and the learning has never stopped from anywhere from three days into Neuroscience anything that's red resonated and stuff started and once I figure this thing out it's like when you watch a good movie I want to tell every night so I decided to take it on full-time and start sharing it with people that I knew you did not like I said I have an event to that work not fortunate to hit rock bottom in some way that will make them move and trying to show them that you don't need to be so loud to come higher you can you can cry and that's what I've been doing so since you studied so many different philosophies and religion did you find a common message a common theme my perspective when I read this thing this is what I gathered from my way one of the biggest thing is gratitude attitude text Daddy Philosophy from Woodhaven for yoga Heaven be finding the positive thing and getting your brain used to searching for the faucet is is very common in all of them I don't think is and is to come your down into help you manage your nervous system the physicality of states in a federal way I found again I found it in Judea a lot in their science and ecology you're anywhere. It also mindfulness mindfulness or bench press into paying attention to what you're doing is very comedy science communication yeah and I couldn't agree more with a lot of that but one thing A lot of that but one thing that you mentioned was breath in our breath work and so that stems from if you think about it breathing is one thing we don't ever have to think about like our creator the life force the universe whatever you sores is breathing us and so I think so even beyond my own journey and talk about perspective I come from a space of I went down the personal development around 2 I chased all the things I went to all the courses I was chasing the next high looking for the answer kept looking for in a book the course online in a coach I didn't know and then it's highly like for me it was Ayahuasca was my eye opening o in the message I received was all suffering is self-imposed in a lot of these teachings especially spiritual where are ready whole and complete and so we're so conditioned to seek outside of us when I believe if we just turned inward whatever we're seeking is already here and that's really hard to tell somebody who's at the achiever and the go get her and and want to chase things so what's your perspective on that it's funny you mention that because in recent years last year I'm getting more and more clients that are already very successful but we considered successful family relationship issues all this stuff and I love Ecuador Tony Robbins that said that success without fulfilling is the ultimate and for me that's that's nailing it because once you we have somehow we develop these standards for Success that they should be and information don't have the feeling of helmet is breathing that goes with it sometimes you make sure the biggest prisoner to it if it's what you have to wear how you have to behave everywhere I have to carry yourself I don't have you washed gray stone the Netflix Bridget Bridget Bridget higher position or level that people are obligated they are in love with one of their sons she was completely free to date what she wants to do what you want and she was the lowest level in comparison right in all those queens and queens and dukes and would not they have no freedom so are you progressing Last Stand and climb the ladder and a stop to check yourself all the time going back and forth and having your perspective and double-check that is that really giving me Morrison that taking more away from me well I miss that whole money doesn't buy happiness Jim Carrey stated it so now I'm going to lie that he wishes he could give everybody million dollars and Saint show you that's not what that's no you taking your stuff with you so if you were unhappy here if you and that's why you need to learn to be happy that's the reason behind everything motivation to do anything so yeah I totally agree that money doesn't buy it and although it's great to have money and it's great to spend Shane doesn't cost you your joy so as you shared chasing the things outside of us might not always create that internal fulfillment so this conversation is resonating with somebody in this whole question about what is your aim what advice do you give to somebody who stood in their going holy s*** that's my story that is my life right now Google is you don't replace the check for the chase is to have the best out of each moment Add impeach moment how can I make this moment beautiful for me what I've done is I need a long list of all the things that make me feel alive not just exist so doing the laundry and I plug them into our schedules for meet with 4K nature made aware of that and the first thing was I noticed how little of that I do I really feel alive if I don't do the things that makes me and Sicklerville I plugged it into my schedule and then I let myself being really big on my vision board I have me and Oprah talking so if your happen maybe maybe not but it's there and I'm in the meantime working on things of may put it there someday but I have this big dreams that carrying me and inviting me what my next step because sometimes we don't know what the big always but sometimes just thinking about something in the future will help you design you and next step and I think what helped me and help my client below is stop thinking about your best self just don't think I can next list 50 columns how about you mr. Like just the next thing I wanted to be an author how much the rating of log that's easier I want it so just break it down and think about the people things always about Revolution and I'm like let's let's let's do ever wish and instead let's do once the revolution can be really messy and evolution is easier and it will be amazed how much change happens when you do one step at a time and how less overwhelming it is all of us enjoying the process I think that's what helps people say present right because otherwise I trust me I've been there done that and I'm like that doesn't work if you're always future tripping for some tomorrow is not guaranteed so white that's why it is about staying present and I like that rather than a revolution to evolve what is this even you know if you just had a fight with somebody clearly you are being your best cell so the next moment literally the next 60 seconds how can you like bring it back in and let it go and maybe find that gratitude or or do breathwork or something too I can kind of struggle back this perspective of we are here for joy and happiness and I I believe if you are experiencing anything but that it's on you interesting I believe the joy is a guide when you're doing what you're supposed to be doing it feels good let me just like we have serotonin and dopamine is released when we do the right thing a guy who we need to learn how to use that guidance system to benefit us because when we do things that you know that if he does we suffer is so stressful you know when you do the right thing because you know the feelings and I feel like if you listen to be like you said looking anymore all the teachers can give you all the idea but only your website for you because I'm inside but if listening okay I want to touch on this message you shared with me I love to ask people you know if you had a billboard message if you were about to let you know leave this place called Earth what do you want people to know in this is what you told me I left for you to explain it no one and nothing needs correction but directions if I butchered that reset but I love that because so many people think there's something wrong with me I'm not enough I'm not what it's like no you don't need correction Direction I love it not just for you but also to judge if you see somebody has broken and you know he's not he doesn't mean I don't need to correct him he doesn't need anybody just need to be navigated in the right direction so sometimes you don't you tell speak to climb a tree you're pretty stupid or not and I think that's that goes right along with it if we be able to place ourselves in the right place we will blue and if we'll be able to notice that others are not in the right place and I said jokes in list not for them I said Judson list for us because when you judge other people correctly understand that you know there is a reason they're like this and you can give them more compassion than anything else I'm going to get somebody else so I truly believe that when you understand it about yourself and others it's not only produce Good Feeling for just produces hope and he helps you go to the right direction because you believe you're broken broken it is what it is but if you understand that I'm just in the wrong place let me find the right way that's hopeful that give you hope that will open resources from YouTube but for somebody to become I think a lot of it is awareness and I I used to I think that's how I started teaching Minds that if you have to become aware of the thoughts you have on repeat and the good news is you know depending that you ask we are somewhere between like 60 to 70 thousand thoughts per day and that would be overwhelming to think you have to monitor all this when you can't and you don't but the good news is the thought you're thinking today are going to be on repeat tomorrow so you're not that creative but for me it is change to awareness and then realizing of I do say that a lot of her I am thinking that in that creates my reality so question for you when somebody's trying to kind of hone in on wow I do have a really negative perspective and I want to change what's the first step you said the first step is like wanting to change and noticing that day I believe that the first step in and I can't really small so first of all how do you even notice this for me every time you don't still but I called Pleasant feeling anger Hey Jealousy whatever that is that is that I need to change because I don't feel good so that's my assistant telling me you're not you're not managing your emotions right the next question I ask is where do I want to go in the first question I asked 9 where you want to go where do I need to tell myself to take me there and I'll give you an example I was driving one time to teach a yoga class at the energy in the room grey the people and this person was driving cutting through in the Underworld he ran a red light and I miss the light I was not as early as I wanted to go my heart was pumping I was angry at him I wanted to wish him all this sad wishes but I stopped myself and I said hey you are not where you want to be you definitely don't want to deliver the energy to everybody in the room where do you want to go so I want it I knew that I wanted to feel good I know they want to feel compassion for telling myself hey you might be a doctor and he's going to set up somebody's life maybe his wife is in labor maybe he's like I don't know if the story is true but I don't know if my first story that he is a horrible person is true I don't know but I'll take the story that serve me and this is what I am doing on it during the day if I don't feel good I ask myself what do I want to feel what needs to happen to make me feel this way what perspective do I need to adopt to show this way what you really test on there is the power of a pod oh that's cuz otherwise UK momentum and fuel on the fire and 2 that you're you're right and that's so power of the pause I love that and when you do you know you still doing it and it's very rarely happens that I took with many things now that I've just to get up start before so it's it's pretty magical because it most of the time it's so for those that maybe we're even if you know somebody who kind of it's just I, Negative Nancy first we could have compassion and we can lead by example and then maybe that will trigger them to make she's always so happy what is she doing and then so yeah to lead by example I love that too question for you what is a key takeaway you went lister's to get from this conversation the key takeaway is that wherever you are change is possible so wherever even if you are not like I said you can pick you up had so much going on and you can you want to change it's possible any way way way more accessible than you think I believe in you and do something take a small little tiny step in the direction you want to go forever over everything I love that unless really highlight that cuz I think that if we did one one degree better every single day how much change we would have in a month and a quarter and a year by one small change every single day okay I have a few rapid-fire questions for you to wrap up the interview first one being what is a quote or motto that you live by if it goes to your paste it's too expensive do you know who the author that is I don't even know I don't know I don't know I like that what is a book you're currently reading or highly recommend I can't see reading and rereading asking and it is given by by Esther and Jerry here going to have so many books I recommend oh my goodness I just finish becoming Supernatural beginning something I really add I love him too heavy for them I would go with into the magic shop and I forgot who the author is but it's such a sweet story about the power of your thoughts and the power of medication and it's a story less information off of this much easier you know what that makes me really great intellect but it herself is it fails I don't even know his story told and so I think his books are phenomenal right having those are his deliver the information in this beautiful story like I want to kiss her so much but I think I will tell her to not give up because of their younger self I started so many things and then I believe that's that's not me I'm not good enough so I would say don't give up you are green create note to end on Eleanor thank you so much for joining me thank you for having me with pleasure